Whispering Rain

Sitting in my dorm room, in the summer, on campus. Summer is supposed to be fun, right? Well why aren’t I having any? I am about to be a junior in college and time is running out to enjoy my summers before i start working full time all year round. Instead, I am working two jobs to make enough money to support myself through college. That’s right. Myself. I gave myself a goal to get myself through college and that is exactly what i’m doing with these two jobs.

This past school year was far better than my first year here, and even better than most of my grade school years. The reason being is that not only did I find new friends whom i can relate so much to, but because i met someone special beyond compare. If only she could see how beautiful, funny, flirtatious, kind, helpful, thoughtful, trustworthy, and amazing she is….

My failure was that I had made a promise that i failed to keep. I promised her mother that I would take care of her handling her studies well and I failed…I promised God that as well, and I even failed him. Him. The Almighty. He gave me what I prayed for, but I had very little to give him in return. Im afraid that she won’t be able to return next semester, due to undesirable circumstances. So what do I do? How do I overcome the thought of letting down Him and her mother? 

I’ve always been able to keep my head up through any obstacle, no matter what. But this….this just doesn’t seem natural. This rarely happens because people are afraid to admit it, but some believe it is okay because our sins are cleansed for us. So how does one cleanse his failure to keep a promise with God? I don’t want to spend all summer searching for the answer, but it may just take that long. Making another promise with him and her mother would be the most dishonest thing to do. I don’t even know if a plea is even worth a second of His time. 

So as I may keep wishing for her to return next semester, to continue her dreams, to continue her relationships with colleagues, with boys, with teachers, I don’t care who, it may appear to be too far of an option to see. Any help that I can give I will surely do so. She knows it, and He knows it. 

As an attempt to gather His interest, his attention, and the tiniest bit of power he has to give, I have created a Prayer Bowl. Every night I will write down my prayer and speak it loudly, and insert it into the bowl and conceal the bowl. At the end of the summer, 93 small prayers will be inside the bowl, one for each night of summer until the day that she would move into her apartment. But the only way for her to return to her apartment, is to either make enough money, or be provided a scholarship. Whatever may come her way, in that it would benefit her enough to return to school here in Wisconsin, it will be appreciated beyond measure. 

Here’s to earning back His trust, and for her return.